An exclusive breaking story from the ‘I Wish That Was The News’ Newsroom
Unsubstantiated reports from noted unreliable sources are bombarding the Five Minutes Spare’s ‘‘I Wish That Was The News’’ Newsroom, that Jeremy Corbyn has been spotted travelling undercover in the north of England. Following last week’s condemnation of the Northern Rail services by Manchester and Liverpool mayors, Andy Burnham and Joe Anderson, Mr Corbyn has decided to check out the situation for himself.
Our source said he caught up with Mr Corbyn on the train between Manchester and Liverpool, asked ‘‘Why the long face Jeremy?’’. Mr Corbyn said he was deeply unhappy that the Northern Rail guard had forced him to sit on a seat, when there was clearly plenty of room to sit in the passageway. Asked about recent claims that ‘’Labour was totally out of touch with its grassroots supporters in the north’’, Mr Corbyn said he could categorically and emphatically deny the accusations. When probed as to why he was wearing a flat cap and had whippet in tow, he admitted he felt uncomfortable travelling outside the Westminster bubble and that the cunning disguise had been the idea of long-time special friend and confidant, Diane Abbot. Mr Corbyn said he’d also asked Ms Abbot advice on what Northerners eat, since he didn’t want to expose himself on the mission by revealing a dodgy looking lunchbox. By all accounts, the rest of the conversation went like this:
Abbot: It’s drippin’, Jeremy!
Corbyn: Yeah baby, I know I’ve still got it! I’m flattered my little Di Di Dum Dums but you know I’m a married man!
Abbot: No not that Jeremy, bread and drippin’, it’s wot they eat in the Norf!
Image taken by Adrian Didlick (flickr). Changed man by us.
Mr Corbyn admitted he tried the dripping but like most things, he just didn’t have the stomach for it! Instead, he’d brought along his favourite packed lunch for the journey, ‘’caviar sandwiches’’! Mr Corbyn was quick to point out that it wasn’t quite as extravagant as it might seem, since he only eats homemade caviar, which meant that he’d had spent most of the previous evening pumping a sturgeon.
Meanwhile in Holyrood, Scotland’s First Minister, was unavailable for comment on the breaking story.
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