Another exclusive scoop by the ‘I Wish That Was The News’ Newsdesk at Five Minutes Spare!
There are concerns for Tory leadership contender, Rory Stewart, mental health following his recent campaign for the vacant PM position. Rory decided on a usual strategy by canvassing grassroots Tory voters instead of Tory MP’s who were the people who were due to vote in the contest. His doctor said he could only think Rory must be suffering the long-term effects of mind-bending drugs, possibly taken during his Army career. However, he thought it much more likely Rory was suffering from exposure to too much ‘bullshit’.
His doctor went on to explain, ‘’Rory’s problem in living his life between Westminster and his constituency of Penrith of very rural Cumbria, he is constantly exposed to bullshit’’. He said we are just beginning to understand how damaging bullshit can be, and as we all know ‘bullshit’ has become a lot more toxic over the last few years.
His doctor said he became particularly worried about Rory in his reaction to Boris Johnston’s threat to prorogue (close down) parliament. A calculated move to force through a ”No Deal Brexit”, said Johnston, should he become PM. To quote Rory’s response verbatim ”You can’t do that Boris, you demented son of a bitch. And if you do, Nar Nar Na Nar Nar, I’ll just open my own Parliament when I’m Prime Minister.”
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