Sunak Eyes Up Move to GOOVI

17 August 2023

Another exclusive scoop by ‘I Wish That Was The News’ @ FMS (Aug 2023)

In breaking news, it seems that UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is eyeing up a move to be installed as the next “Big Noggin” at the Grand Order of Village Idiots (GOOVI). It’s thought if the move goes ahead and he stands down as PM, it is likely to please 99.999999% of the country. A spokesman for GOOVI said Mr Sunak had expressed an interest but didn’t know if he was up to the challenge. He said, unlike his present role where he was installed by the globalist, against the will of the majority of the British people, it’s an elected position. However, GOOVI insisted that Mr Sunak was the man for the job.

GOOVI went on to say they had been greatly impressed by Sunak’s truly idiotic furlough and bounce-back loan schemes. The heist saw billions of taxpayers’ money handed out to just about anyone that asked for it, (and some that didn’t), with absolutely no checks in place. The general feeling amongst GOOVI members for Mr Sunak to come up with such cretinous ideas, was that he was obviously completely lacking in a basic understanding of human nature. They were also impressed the by way he has continued to hand out heaps of money willy-nilly to foreign governments for “frig all” in return.

Rishi lamented, “I went from Eton to Oxford, then worked in the rigged game of high finance, and then politics.” He continued, sob! sob! “It’s not my fault! I’ve never lived in the real world.” The incumbent Big Noggin, blonde bombshell transvestite, Ms Doris Johnston, formerly of Uxbridge and South Ruislip, said she was now stepping down from the position. She continued, with strong feelings of du-ja-vu, “That her continuing leadership at GOOVI had become untenable with Rishi now on the scene.”

Doris and Rishi Sunak in happier times. Photo credit: Flickr/(CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Another GOOVI member, a rather sour-faced woman, with a long brass neck, said she didn’t support Mr Sunak’s nomination. Answering only to the name of “The Dancing Queen” she continued, “My dream of being remembered as the UK’s worst ever Prime Minister is now completely in tatters.”

A spokesman for GOOVI said he really hoped Mr Sunak would accept the job to help with much-needed recruitment. He went on to say that many of their former members had moved on to Westminster. There, they have set up their own rival splinter group the “Self-Important Self-Serving Imbeciles” (SISSI).