Another exclusive scoop by ‘I Wish That Was The News’ @ FMS (Aug 2023)
Charity Project
It’s rumoured that the Scottish and Westminster parliaments, generally at loggerheads, are planning to work together on a secret charity project. It’s said the plan is to release a Christmas charity song in aid of the SNP-backed children’s charity ‘Fin Ma Genda’. The charity works with young schoolchildren, bewildered by lessons taught on gender, helping them find their true identity. One teacher lamented the biggest decision they ever had to make at school was “Whether to have haggis or a deep-fried Mars bar for lunch.” She continued, “Now 6-year-olds are having to choose which of the 93 SNP backed genders they are in their lunchtime.
The SISSI Song
The song will be performed by the UK’s only cross-government, cross-party parliamentary group, the SISSIs (Self Important, Self Serving Imbeciles). The members of SISSIs are rumoured to be releasing a cover of the 2003 Cheeky Girls hit song ‘The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)’. The reworked version will be released as the ‘The SISSI Song (Touch My Bum)’, with the words “cheeky girls” being substituted by “SISSI boys”. A parliamentary spokesman said, “Only MPs who identified as male would be eligible to participate in the event”. He went on to say that in an attempt to promote record sales across the EU, the SISSIs would perform the song dressed in lederhosen.
The Opposition SISSIs
Deputy leader of the Labour Party, Angela Raynor said she had been initially uninterested in performing. However, when she heard the word “lederhosen” mentioned, it piqued her interest. She commented, “The chance to get a new dominatrix outfit, sorry! I mean leather outfit, at the expense of the taxpayer, is just too good an opportunity to pass on.” When prominent SISSI and opposition leader, Sir Kier Starmer, was asked for comment, he said, “Obviously, I totally agree with whatever Angela has said.”
The B-Team
Photo Credit: Creative Commons (CC BY 2.0)
Meanwhile, it’s rumoured that Scotland’s former first lady, Nichola Sturgeon, had been asked to perform on the B-side of the SISSI song. However, she would neither confirm nor deny that she and her husband Peter have been asked to duet on a cover of Johnny Cash’s ‘Folsom Prison Blues’. However, what she did say was that she knew where there was a second-hand, low-mileage, tour bus for sale.
Header Photo Credit: Sahara Prince/Shutterstock.com
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