Larkhall is the most protestant place in the Central Belt. It is filled to the brim with Ranger’s supporters. They frequently have to replace the green light bulbs because they get smashed. Seriously – The Scotsman reported something like 205 green lights since 2004. It’s so bad that it is officially the only place in Scotland where Subway is black, not green. A green store simply wouldn’t last…
Yes, the sign really was black last time we were there!
You would not believe the tension between the green’s and the blue’s here. It’s insane. Literally insane. In the most recent election, Rangers urged their fans to vote pro-union. As far as we can tell, they did this because Celtic did otherwise. People reject green as a Christmas colour. It’s ridiculous. Scotland must be the only country in the world where grown people take offence at a colour.
Larkhall lies on the edge of the Clyde Valley that is furthest from Glasgow. It’s somewhere around the middle distance between Glasgow and Edinburgh, and then south a bit. It did well during the industrial revolution. It was a big mining town that did well in textiles. Nowadays it is mainly a commuter town for those that work in either of the two main cities.
Larkhall is also pretty close to the River Avon, which is great for the fishermen and women in the area. It’s not known for a whole lot more but does sit in an area of Scientific Interest because of the wildlife that surrounds the Avon and Clyde valleys. If you were to go out of the town to the north a little, you would come upon Chatelherault country park and house… which sounds more complicated than it is (and has a great adventure playground).
So if you were in this neck of the woods for a day or two, what sort of things can you expect to enjoy? Let’s take five minutes and find out.
Larkhall At-a-Glance
Whether you are just passing through or visiting the area for a while, here are the best bits of Larkhall…
Named as the top (and only) thing worth doing in Larkhall according to Trip Advisor; the Larkhall Circuit is a cart racing track. They say they are the ‘premier outdoor karting track in Scotland’. We just know it makes for a great day out. They see lots of corporate team-building type events, make a Christmas day out for most of the businesses their side of Hamilton, and (unlike most of the other tracks) is actually outdoors.
This means if the weather is treacherous this place is a no-no. Still fun though.
It sounds like a bit of an effort but there are barely two miles between the village of Stonehouse and the town of Larkhall. Stonehouse is a quaint little village that has some lovely history to it. It’s quite ‘touristy’, meaning there are cobbled streets and little pointy-roofed, black-and-white buildings. Specifically, find the teashop in the centre of town… We don’t think they are even online yet. The scones are baked by someone’s granny and they taste like Sunday afternoons spent watching The Land of the Giants…
We mentioned this briefly before, but it really does deserve a full paragraph. It was built in 1732 as a hunting lodge, back in the days when the whole of the Clyde Valley was covered by the Lee Woods. There are ten miles of pathways, picnic areas, the BEST adventure playground, and a manor house to tour.
Notably, the house rents out event space so may have some sort of exhibit on when you go. It is also rumoured to be haunted, with some visitors reporting a hand on their shoulder as they visit the toilets. The toilets are in the basement… because it wasn’t creepy enough already. Finally; this house is sinking in parts and has been restored over the years to stop the marches swallowing it. Walk around it too fast and you get seasick.
Morgan Glen is in Avon Gorge, just to the south of town. It is popular with local dog walkers and with those who like to torture their kids into getting outside more. It has now been deemed an area of Special Scientific Interest. These areas are deliberately conserved and protected either because of geological marvels or some other amazing feat of nature. In this case, the animals in the area are what makes it special.
The Morgan Glen Viaduct, built at the turn of the 2oth Century spans the River Avon Image: lennystan/Shutterstock.com
One thing which you must see when visiting is the Larkhall Railway Viaduct (also known as the Morgan Glen Viaduct) which is said to be the highest railway bridge in Scotland and the second highest in Britain. Whether this is right or not it’s still an impressive site with its centre span reaching 174 feet, which is some 170 feet above the river. This area was once neglected and abandoned but five years of effort from the locals has turned it into something wonderful. It was renamed for a man who left a large sum of money to ensure a public park was built for the people of Larkhall to enjoy. If you do visit? Make sure you take your litter home with you. You may be chased from town by angry locals otherwise.
Football?
The town might be a staunch Rangers FC one, however, it still manages to host not one but two Scottish Junior Teams (neither of whom play in green for the obvious reasons). The Local team is Larkhall Thistle FC who currently play (2019-20) in the SJFA League One. You can trace their origin all the way back to 1878 and they play their home games at Gasworks Park where they have been since 1881! Although we are not 100% sure on this it is probable they are the oldest junior football team still around in Scotland. For those not familiar, junior football in Scotland refers to Non-League and not youth football as in other parts of the world. They have produced a few footballers who have gone on to play at a high level over the years including Gerry Baker who won 7 caps for the USA.
The other local side Royal Albert FC were also formed in 1878 but they now call the nearby village of Stonehouse home. This season (2019-20) they play in the same SJFA division as Larkhall Thistle, so there will be a couple of local Derby’s. Royal Albert has a couple of claims to fame the main one being that they got to the 5th round of the Scottish Cup in 1890-91 before ironically crashing out to Celtic! On a less painful note for the locals anyway, they also scored the first-ever penalty in the competition in an earlier round.
If you are in town and fancy taking in a game bear in mind they tend to kick off early (around 1.45 – 2.00 pm).
Other Notable Larkhall Attractions
Well… Larkhall is a little quiet. Also, don’t wear a green shirt. So here are some things in the area that you can get up to:
- Hamilton Mausoleum – where the Hamilton’s are buried and only about five miles away.
- Hamilton Shopping Centre – while you are there, get your shop on with the likes of Primark, Argos, and… maybe a Card Factory?
- The Clyde Valley Tourist Route – between Larkhall and Hamilton you will find a series of walkways. They continue out to the Falls of Clyde at New Lanark and run all the way to Glasgow. Enjoy them… They’re free!
So there is always something for you to get up to in Larkhall. If you want to entertain the kids for the day then the best place to take them is nearby Hamilton. It has a cinema, multiple fast food outlets, and plenty of shops.
Five Minutes Spare
If you still find yourself twiddling your thumbs, then head over to Five Minutes Spare headquarters. We can help you learn a new skill, defend yourself in court, or just kill some time. Either way, it’ll be a productive experience designed to be the best way to waste some time!
