We’re officially in that glorious limbo period where English football exists in a state of nervous anticipation – the Premier League doesn’t kick off until August 16, but the preseason friendlies are flying thick and fast like poorly aimed crosses at a Sunday league match. This weekend provided plenty of entertainment for those of us desperate enough to get excited about glorified training sessions. Here are the ten stories that caught our eye from a weekend that was equal parts promising and utterly meaningless.
1. Manchester United’s American Adventure Continues to Confuse
The Story: United drew 2-2 with Everton in Atlanta as part of their never-ending tour of places that aren’t Manchester.
The Reality: It’s hard to know what to make of United’s preseason form. They’re unbeaten in their last few friendlies, but so was I the last time I played FIFA. Erik ten Hag is clearly still tinkering with his squad, though whether he’s looking for the right combination or just trying to stay awake during these American adventures is anyone’s guess. The good news? They haven’t lost yet. The bad news? It’s preseason, so it means absolutely nothing.
2. Liverpool’s Arne Slot Era Gets a Winning Start
The Story: Liverpool beat Athletic Bilbao at Anfield under new manager Arne Slot, giving fans their first proper taste of post-Klopp football.
The Reality: It’s early days, but Slot seems to be settling in nicely. The Dutch manager has the unenviable task of following Jurgen Klopp, which is a bit like being asked to DJ after someone’s just played the greatest hits of the Beatles. The Community Shield against Crystal Palace on August 10 will be the real test of whether Liverpool can maintain their standards without their beloved German.
3. Tottenham’s Asian Tour Yields Mixed Results
The Story: Spurs drew 1-1 with Newcastle in South Korea, continuing their tradition of being impossible to predict even in meaningless matches.
The Reality: Ange Postecoglou’s men are doing what Spurs do best – giving everyone just enough hope to be thoroughly disappointed later. The fact they’re already drawing matches in preseason feels ominously on-brand. Still, they have Bayern Munich coming up, so at least they’ll get a proper test before the real season begins.
4. West Ham’s American Triumph
The Story: West Ham beat Bournemouth 2-0 in the Premier League Summer Series, which sounds important but really isn’t.
The Reality: Julen Lopetegui’s first summer in charge is going smoothly enough, though beating Bournemouth in a friendly in America is hardly cause for parade planning. The Hammers have been quietly impressive in preseason, but then again, so have most teams when the results don’t actually matter.
5. Brighton’s New Era Under Fabian Hürzeler
The Story: The Seagulls have been putting together some decent preseason displays under their new young German manager.
The Reality: Brighton have already beaten Stoke City 3-1 and Wycombe 6-1, which is nice, but losing João Pedro to Chelsea might prove more significant than any number of preseason victories. Still, if anyone can find the next unexpected gem, it’s Brighton’s recruitment team.
6. Arsenal’s Emirates Cup Preparations
The Story: Arsenal are hosting Villarreal and Athletic Club in their Emirates Cup, because apparently we needed more made-up tournaments.
The Reality: Mikel Arteta is clearly taking these friendlies seriously, having strengthened his squad with signings like Martín Zubimendi and Christian Nørgaard. Whether this translates into finally getting over the line for a title remains the £100 million question.
7. The Championship’s Imminent Arrival
The Story: The Championship kicks off Friday, August 8, with Birmingham hosting Ipswich – a match between two teams who were in completely different divisions last season.
The Reality: This might actually be more entertaining than most Premier League matches. Birmingham won League One with a record 111 points, while Ipswich were relegated from the Premier League. It’s like watching a heavyweight boxer face off against someone who’s really, really good at chess.
8. The Waiting Game for Lower League Action
The Story: The National League season doesn’t start until August 9, leaving fans of non-league football in a state of pleasant anticipation.
The Reality: While the big boys are playing dress-up in America and Asia, the real football – where players have day jobs and the pies cost less than a small mortgage – is still a few days away. Wrexham, now in the Championship after their Hollywood-backed ascension, will be looking to continue their fairy tale, their fans are delighted while the rest of us wonder if this is all just an elaborate Ryan Reynolds & Rob McElhenney marketing campaign.
9. Community Shield Preview: The Season’s First “Proper” Match
The Story: Liverpool face Crystal Palace in the Community Shield at Wembley on August 10.
The Reality: Yes, it’s technically a friendly, but it’s the first match where both teams might actually care about the result. Palace earned their spot by winning the FA Cup, while Liverpool are there as Premier League runners-up. It’s the closest thing we’ll get to meaningful football until the league actually starts.
10. The Great Preseason Reality Check
The Story: Every Premier League club is somewhere between “looking sharp” and “working on their fitness” depending on how their friendlies have gone.
The Reality: Here’s the thing about preseason – it means everything and nothing simultaneously. Burnley have looked solid under Scott Parker, but they also looked good before getting relegated two seasons ago. Clubs like Brighton have been impressive, but their best player just moved to Chelsea. The only certainty is that in about two weeks’ time, all these carefully crafted preseason narratives will be tossed out the window faster than a VAR decision that everyone disagrees with.
What’s Coming Up?
The real fun starts this week. Championship football returns Friday with a full slate of matches, the National League kicks off on Saturday, and then we get the proper return of Premier League football on August 16.
Until then, we’re left analysing the tactical significance of a 2-2 draw in Atlanta and pretending that preseason form tells us anything meaningful about the season ahead. Still, it beats the alternative of having no football at all – though at this point, even watching paint dry would probably be more predictable than trying to figure out what any of these results actually mean.
The beautiful game is almost back, folks. Just try not to read too much into anything until the points actually start counting.
