{"id":1306,"date":"2019-06-10T10:13:45","date_gmt":"2019-06-10T09:13:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/?p=1306"},"modified":"2023-08-10T19:47:36","modified_gmt":"2023-08-10T18:47:36","slug":"transport-minister-chris-grayling-to-keep-a-job-under-a-boris-leadership","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/transport-minister-chris-grayling-to-keep-a-job-under-a-boris-leadership\/humour-light-entertainment\/","title":{"rendered":"Transport Minister, Chris Grayling, to keep a job under a Boris leadership"},"content":{"rendered":"

Another exclusive breaking story from \u2018\u2019I Wish That Was The News! Newsroom<\/h2>\n

Shocking unsubstantiated reports from noted unreliable sources have reached the Five Minutes Spare \u2018I Wish That Was The News\u2019 Newsroom that Transport Minister, Chris Grayling will allegedly retain a job under a Boris Johnston premiership. While the other 10 candidates in the Tory leadership contest have allegedly indicated that Chris Grayling tenure has Transport Minister is likely to last somewhere between 10 minutes and 2 hours should they get the top job, Mr Johnston, has indicated that he would like to keep Mr Grayling on in the role as handyman at No. 10. It\u2019s understood the job has recently become available due to the sacking of the last handyman, Albanian national, Mr Edvin Hoti. It\u2019s alleged Mr Hoti was shown the door, not because of illegal immigration status, but because he\u2019d allegedly tried to sell fake Class A drugs to Tory leadership hopeful Michael Gove\u2019s dealer.<\/p>\n

Boris has made it clear Mr Grayling\u2019s first role would be to sort out the blocked downstairs toilet at No.10. Mr Johnston was allegedly told by Mrs May that the toilet, the favoured throne of visiting parliamentarians, had been a constant problem during her reign as PM. Asked why Mr Johnston favoured Mr Grayling for the job, despite the fact that he\u2019d only ever created great piles of the steaming brown stuff wherever he went, Boris replied \u2018\u2019Everybody deserves a 19th<\/sup> chance\u2019\u2019.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

It\u2019s understood Mrs May will make an address to the nation on the state of the blocked toilet before she leaves Downing Street. Luckily, our unnamed source has managed to get a copy of the speech, which is said to read:<\/p>\n

\u2018\u2019Dear people, I stand before you today to talk about the toilet I love. I have to take full responsibility for the blocking of the toilet. I\u2019ve been very naive! Despite being in politics for a very long time, its only now that I\u2019ve realised that all parliamentarians are just like me \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026full of shite!\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thanks for reading our exclusive news bulletin!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is Tommy Hobbes – signing off for now!<\/p>\n

The only truly genuine fake news reporter on the Web!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Another exclusive breaking story from \u2018\u2019I Wish That Was The News! Newsroom Shocking unsubstantiated reports from noted unreliable sources have reached the Five Minutes Spare \u2018I Wish That Was The News\u2019 Newsroom that Transport Minister, Chris Grayling will allegedly retain a job under a Boris Johnston premiership. While the other 10 candidates in the Tory…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":139,"featured_media":1309,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[372,548],"tags":[550,1743,1742,1750],"class_list":["post-1306","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humour-light-entertainment","category-i-wish-that-was-the-news","tag-chris-grayling","tag-fake-news","tag-satire","tag-tory-government-minister"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/139"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1306"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1311,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions\/1311"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1309"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fiveminutesspare.com\/entertainment\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}